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About Me

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Mother of three, one girl and two boys.

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Floyd's Wife Delores

Floyd's Wife Delores
Holding me 1956

In the Beginning

In the Beginning
Floy,Mary Ann,Kathryn,Me,Mama,Daddy and Skippy

Dakota

Dakota
Little Rebels

Daddy and Butch

Daddy and Butch
1960 Rte 116

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July 11, 2009

We Attend a Luau 1996

Kelvin had spoken to his mother on the phone about the situation. I had no job and he was doing odd jobs at a salvage yard for a friend of his on K Highway. She said she would send us the money while we were in Hawaii. Keith, Karen and Kelvin wanted to spend the money so we could go to a Luau in Hawaii before we left for home. I thought we should take the money and run with it to Missouri and deposit it immediately in the bank account. Everyone, of course, thought I was being selfish, including me but I was under a lot of stress. How were we supposed to pay our bills when we got back? Kelvin hadn’t paid the rent and we didn’t know how long the landlord would put up with that before setting us out on our ears. I had the utilities and the regular bills to pay, plus gasoline and groceries. He was supposed to pay the rent with his money. It had been a couple of months before I realized he wasn’t paying the rent, I think I found out when he actually told me he hadn’t been taking the check he was getting for disability up to the landlord’s office as he had been. He had bought an old van that wouldn’t run half the time just because his ”friends” in the trailer court needed money to buy, God only knew what. So we were out 200.00 that should have helped with the rent for another vehicle we couldn’t afford to buy tags for.
I relented and we spent the 125.00 she sent us to go to a luau. The parking lot was crowded. We found a place to park, Ray, Keith and Karen’s son, named after the rich uncle with the mansion looking outwards towards the volcano, Diamond Head, again agreed to watch Dakota. We sat at one of the long tables provided for the evening meal, which consisted of a roast pig that had been lowered into the ground with ceremony and cooked on hot coals and buried several hours earlier. We got there in time to see them raise the pig out of the hole and carry it on poles to the big tent where it would be cut up and the meat shredded to feed the tourists that had come to watch the native dancers on the stage made of grass and bamboo. They were dressed in the native costumes of Hula skirts and leas with bands of multicolored flowers adorning their foreheads and above one ear. The men had no shirts on but they too had leas around their necks and a large multicolored cloth around their waists. They sang and played ukuleles and talked of Don Ho. One of the foods that was prepared was poi. It was purple and slimy and had no taste whatsoever. It was, to put it bluntly, nasty stuff! I left the poi on my paper plate. The paper plates they had given us were so thin you could practically see through them. I got up to get another plate of the better food, the barbecued shredded pork and fruit. When I got back a strong breeze grabbed the plate of poi and whisked it away into the face of a fellow patron across the table from me. Karen laughed as did everyone else, including the patron who received the tropical slime. I was mortified and so apologetic that they laughed even more. I was not accustomed, yet, to the constant wind blowing and had not laid anything on it to keep it from blowing away. We laughed and had such a good time. It was one of the rare occasions when I was able to relax and be myself a little bit. Kelvin was being good for once. The tension of knowing anything could set him off was eased some but I was always on my guard to be embarrassed at any moment. He was good at embarrassing me along with anyone within earshot of his tirades.
The music was good, the costumes and dancing were colorful amid the many Tiki torches placed on stage. Now that was the Hawaii I had heard about on television and in magazines. We took pictures of the many statues standing guard in Waikiki, as well as bridges and the ocean front, the beautiful blue waters at the beach and of each other. By March 1st we were ready to head for the airport and greet the snowy and cold conditions of a Missouri winter.

July 08, 2009

Our Vaction in Hawaii 1996

Nine hours later we were arriving at the Honolulu airport. Cheers and applause from the passengers arose when the pilot announced our arrival. Looking out the window I could see dark clouds and rain hitting the window. The ocean was obscured due to the weather and I knew this was a sign. I couldn’t believe it was raining on what I thought would be a sunny paradise. The images of blue water and palm trees were replaced by dark, windy and chilly conditions. After instructions were given to the passengers who wanted to stay on the plane to be taken to other islands, we were allowed to disembark.
Kelvin was still in a “drunken” snit and unapproachable. He haphazardly grabbed the bags from the over head compartment, I grabbed the diaper bag and my purse from under my feet and held the baby the best I could. The airport was crowded with people going and coming from unknown destinations from all over the world. I hadn’t met his brother and sister-in-law so I didn’t know who to look for and it wasn’t advisable to ask Kelvin. He said, “Here they are!” Showing his best side as he always did in front of other people so they would think he was the nicest guy in the world, when in private in front of me he showed a totally different side.
They met us with leis that were made from live flowers, very pretty colors of pink, blue and purple. They hung them around our necks and headed for the luggage conveyer for the rest of our bags.
We crowded into the car and off we went to their house. They lived on a nice suburban Ave, I couldn’t pronounce the name, or the city south of Honolulu. There were palm trees and flowers, even tomato plants with fat red tomatoes growing in neighbor’s yards, along with Hibiscus plants six feet high or more. It was so unusual to see in February where at home that time of year there was snow and ice and very cold weather. I foolishly complained about the rain and the cloudy weather and was shot down immediately by his brother, Keith, and Kelvin of course. “You’ve come during the rainy season!” In my head I thought there would be blue skies and warm weather, isn’t that why people took vacations in Hawaii for the weather?
It wasn’t long though, the sun came out and after a couple of days the 80 degree temperatures were back. I always hated the wind. It blew my hair and made it hard for me to breathe, so the tropical gusts that blew in Hawaii always chased me back inside. I wondered how in the world I was supposed to enjoy this place if I can’t stay outside longer than a minute.
We unpacked our bags in one of the boy’s rooms where we would be staying. They wanted to show us around the island on the weekend when Keith didn’t have to work. He worked for his uncle, Ray, who owned and operated a construction company there. He had fallen in love with the island in the early 1960’s when he had been stationed there in the Navy. Higdon Construction was born during that time. Most of the houses on Oahu had been built by his construction company and was deemed a millionaire. He had bought a single lot and built a new house, mansion really, with a “For Sale” sign of over 3 million dollars. He had a pool, three car garage, maybe four, a huge open kitchen, large dining area, living area with a white grand piano. Upstairs wound around to empty into a large bedroom, walk in closet and huge bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub.
The side of the “house”, facing Diamond Head, was a large patio that wrapped around to the driveway over looking the pool. This is where he barbecued huge steaks and ribs for the lot of us. Keith and the boys got into the pool, I had brought my suit but the temperature was only 50 degrees and I decided there was no way I was getting into that water. Dakota got in with Keith holding him. We had a good time, laughed about the extravagance of the whole thing. I know my eyes had to be as wide as they could get. I had only seen places like that in magazines describing movie stars homes. I couldn’t seem to get enough pictures of it.
We ate in the dining room on a very long expensive looking table under the light of a magnificent chandelier. I was terrified, Dakota was onerous as usual, and Kelvin was again on his best behavior. When we left we agreed to go out to a fine restaurant before we left for Missouri. Ray, of course, paid for everything. Karen, Keith’s wife, had told me not to be shy about ordering what ever I wanted, and reminded me that Ray was loaded and it wouldn’t be out of the question if I wanted say, steak and lobster. Which was what I had wanted, and couldn’t wait for it to be served. When Charles and I were married every year starting with the eighth year anniversary we went to Red Lobster and I always ordered the steak and lobster tail. It was always so good and expensive we could only do it on our anniversary once a year. I stuffed as much of the crustacean in my face as I could, not know how long it would be before I could taste that succulent meat again.
We stayed for three weeks with Karen and Keith and her two boys. I had walked almost every day to the Wal-Mart store to get more film and the pictures developed. I stayed to myself, feeling out of place with strangers. I spent a lot of the time in the bedroom ready to go home. Kelvin on the other hand spent his time with Keith going out to bars and carousing around with his cousins he hadn’t seen in a decade or more, which would have been understandable but he wasn’t supposed to be going to bars and drinking. He was mean and hateful when he drank and I was trying to “change” his ways so he wouldn’t have to go back to prison and leave me with all the bills and a child to raise alone. He was embarrassing and rude but of course only to me. He never let anyone else see that side so no one understood why I was afraid, or why I hated him going out and having his so-called, good time. I knew I would be the one who would have to pay for it in the end.
One day Karen took us to the zoo at Waikiki. I loved the zoo and was the animal nut I had always been. During that excursion we stopped at a nearby park to rest. Karen told me to look at a lady, she appeared somewhat well to do but she was keen on studying a nearby trash can. Karen said, “Look at her; she is going to eat that!” Sure enough I looked and the lady had picked up a half eaten ice cream cone that was in the can and started to eat it. Karen said she saw a lot of that, all the time in Hawaii. I had only seen things like that on television on police dramas about New York City and other big cities. Even though I knew it happened I hadn’t actually seen anyone eat out of a trash can before. When Charles and I first got married we had gone dumpster shopping for furniture and stuff people had thrown away, clean it up and use it for ourselves, you’d be amazed at the items people would throw away, but we never ate anything out of them!!
On the way home from the zoo and park Kelvin started to have one of his anxiety attacks that I had seen often but he wouldn’t let anyone see. Now Karen was driving and he was riding in the back seat with Dakota strapped in the car seat she had borrowed from one of her friends. Dakota hated being strapped in a car seat and from the first day home from the hospital he always had a fit when he had to be strapped into one. He would cry and whine and Kelvin would get angrier and angrier and between the both of them, being trapped in a car, with Kelvin bellowing obscenities and threatening to kill all of us at the same time, the baby first, then me or vice versa. Karen just kept driving in silence. I was embarrassed as he got louder and louder and so did Dakota. The rampage went on and on until we finally got back to Karen’s house. She said later, she had no idea Kelvin was like that. I told her he was always like that around me.
He and Keith went out and got drunk and didn’t come home until after 3:00 in the morning. I was closed up in the bedroom with Dakota, no one to talk to, feeling homesick. Karen had left me to go out with one of her friends. They had begged us to come to Hawaii to visit and that they would watch the baby so we could go out and enjoy ourselves, the only time we had a baby sitter was when one of her boys was told to watch him while we went to dinner with Ray and his wife Dolores, the time when I ordered lobster. Dakota was showing signs of a cold and the teenage boy who was watching him about died when he had to wipe his little nose. He said, “I will never watch him again, he has slime coming out of every part of him!”
We finished up our vacation by going to one of the nice beaches there. It was like a post card. My eyes couldn’t believe the beauty of the volcanic rocks and formations, and the bluest water I’d ever seen except on TV and magazines. The ever present wind was blowing as we set up the picnic table with all the good stuff you bring on picnics. Kelvin and the boys had boogie boards they bravely shoved into the ten foot waves, paddled out and rode back in on their stomachs. The sand would blow so hard it would rip the skin off of your legs, stinging and burning as it went. Dakota wanted so badly to be near his father he tried to walk out onto the hot sand and would get only halfway when a big gust of wind would blow and the sand would start its blasting. I’d run out and get him, put him on the grass on a blanket under one of the strange and twisted trees they had there. I couldn’t believe I was wearing a swim suit and sun glasses in February, the temperature was over 80 degrees. When Kelvin finally came back to the beach he would lie down and Dakota would crawl over him with no fear of retribution. I knew if I did that or even said anything to him he would tell me to “Let him the f--- alone!” So I always did, gladly.

July 06, 2009

Hawaii! Here We Come! 1996

In February of 1996 my severance check consisted of a check for 1300 or so dollars for every hour worked. His brother and sister-in-law had been trying to get us to fly out to Hawaii to see them, of course we wanted to, but who could afford the trip? My daughter Jennifer worked at TWA in Kansas City at the time and she said she could get us tickets for nearly nothing, 50.00 for the two of us each to fly and Dakota could fly free. After making arrangements to have a job when I got back home we started making plans to go to Hawaii. They lived on the island of Oahu not far from the Honolulu airport. They would meet us at the airport and take us to their house where we would stay for three weeks. I brought 500.00 of the money with us and Jenny and Eric, her husband, would stay at our trailer and watch the pets while we were gone.
On February 21st we headed out. We were all excited and anxious for the trip of a life time. Kelvin was in a bad mood as he was most often these days. Anything could set him off. He’d started drinking with his new found friends in the court and had stopped paying the rent and used his money for other things we surely didn’t need. Jennifer had warned us to behave and act civilized on the plane because whatever we did reflected on her since we were using tickets that she had used her discount on, thus representing TWA. We had lots of bags, the baby, the diaper bag, my purse and I was expected to carry it all. If I asked him to help me with the bags he would go into a sudden rage. He did that a lot over nothing in particular except it afforded him his way whenever he wanted something. His drinking and drug abuse came back with a vengeance and nothing I could do or say could talk him out of it. Everything was my fault. His friends were right and I was wrong. Whenever he was with his friends he laughed and showed them courtesies that he never showed me. I was supposed to be the one he loved and had saved his life when the apartment burned and he had to live me in the trailer in Wathena. If I hadn’t met him where would he have gone? He had no friends as long as he wasn’t drinking or selling Marijuana. As soon as he started up again then he had friends coming out of the woodwork. I stood between him and the elements that he thought made him happy at the time and he resented me for it.
While waiting in the airport for the flight to board, women and children were supposed to get on first. I looked around and Kelvin was no where to be seen. The attendant kept looking at me while I was struggling with all the bags and the baby and I told her I was waiting for my husband. She said they were getting ready to board so he’d better hurry up. I tried to put the baby in my arms, carry the carry “on’s” with everything we would need to keep the 1 and a half year old content during the nine hour flight, my purse, the diaper bag all in my arms while looking around nervously for Kelvin. I knew he was somewhere and I was afraid he was in the bar. Knowing how he was when he was drinking I hoped I was wrong; it would be a long flight.
He finally showed up with a bad attitude and the enormous chip he carried nowadays on his shoulder. Giving me a dirty look he sauntered on the plane bare handed. We found seats together but he didn’t want to sit with me because he knew if he did he wouldn’t be able to drink the whiskey he had planned to order on the flight. He sat behind me in a middle aisle just behind me.
I sat with a black young man who had come from New York and was in the Navy, on his way to be stationed at Pearl Harbor. He played with Dakota who was being exceptionally good, trying to look at a picture book I had brought for him. He held up the picture book and looked directly at the Service Man and said clearly, “D’wanto read to me?” I was flabbergasted and the service man laughed and read to him for a little while. He said that he didn’t like Hawaii because it was too hot there. I couldn’t wait to be hot in Hawaii, the winters, especially in February, were brutal in Missouri. He said it hadn’t been his first time and always dreaded the trip, he had a wife back in New York and I think he said he had a child at home too that he would miss terribly. When Dakota said his first sentence on the plane I tried to get Kelvin’s attention to tell him his son had spoken his first full sentence but he just snarled back at me, telling me he didn’t care and to leave him alone. He was nursing a glass of Jack Daniels at the time and he and Jack didn’t want to be disturbed.

Family Reunion 1961

Family Reunion 1961
All 13 of Us Together

Terre

Terre
Denton Ks 1977

Chuck and Jenny 1983

Chuck and Jenny 1983

Jenny

Jenny
Graduation Day 1991

Our Wedding Picture 1993

Our Wedding Picture 1993
A New Beginning

Dakota 1995

Dakota 1995

Chief

Chief
1995

Chief and Beavis

Chief and Beavis
Playing when Chief was a Puppy

Bullet

Bullet
Darlene and Bullet